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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070434">and i knew the emptiness of youth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxraxise/pseuds/pxraxise'>pxraxise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coping, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Makoto needs a hug, Naegi Makoto-centric, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:41:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxraxise/pseuds/pxraxise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>and i knew the solitude of heart</p><p>--</p><p>somebody get a therapist for our himbo</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and i knew the emptiness of youth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tw: cigarette smoking, suicidal thoughts / implied suicide, and overall tugging of heartstrings.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lighter cracked and popped into life at the arbitor of its existence—Makoto's thumb.</p><p> </p><p>A cherry glow now dimly illuminated the dark of the night, out on her porch.</p><p> </p><p>It was hard on him, being booted out of his home. </p><p> </p><p>*Their* home, now. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was his fourth cigarette today, and his third pack that week. </p><p>His roommate, his best friend, his..his <em>everything</em>, should have been asleep. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She needed to be.</p><p>He snuck out for this private time, this time to sulk and smoke and think and..</p><p>And slowly die. Just a little, each drag he took.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He wasn't always the most brave person he knew, or really anybody knew.</p><p> </p><p>This was essentially the only thing he had to killing himself. </p><p> </p><p>But, someone had to interrupt this metaphorical cut of his wrist.</p><p> </p><p>The drag of his stick.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Makoto, I thought we were over this." </p><p>Her dry, disappointed voice cut through the atmosphere of his rumination.</p><p> </p><p>She must have woken up and went looking, just to find his sad self there. </p><p> </p><p>It startled him, he gasped and ended up taking a breath he wasn't quite prepared to take as he accidentally hit another drag and coughed out the rest of the smoke. </p><p> </p><p>Shit.</p><p>He got caught.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He slid the cigarette between his index and middle and out of the corner of his mouth, his head turned to get a look at her</p><p> </p><p>She was still in her pajamas, bedhead, and clenched fists with half-lidded eyes that spelled it all out for him.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn't going to talk his way out of this one.</p><p> </p><p>"Where's the pack?"</p><p> </p><p>"I don't know." <br/>It was worth a shot.</p><p> </p><p>"Bullshit, give me the pack."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He couldn't, really.</p><p>He wanted to make her happy, he wanted to have her approval and love and trust.</p><p> </p><p>But he relapsed like the disappointment he was born to be.</p><p>And now she probably hated him, so he thought.</p><p> </p><p>Hated how disloyal and untrustworthy he was.</p><p> </p><p>The only thing that pieced him together at this point was the pack of cigarettes.</p><p>And he can't make her happy tonight.</p><p> </p><p>He can't.</p><p>"Kyoko, please-"</p><p> </p><p>"Don't 'please' me, we had this conversation and you still decided upon yourself to do it." </p><p> </p><p>He didn't have anything to respond with.</p><p> </p><p>He took another drag to compensate, and stomped out the offending item as soon as he was could, hoping she'd notice it as a gesture of apology.</p><p>His desperate, despondent kind of apology.</p><p> </p><p>She only glanced at it with an eyebrow raise before looking back — "The pack. Now."</p><p>Her tone was always a special blend of authoritative and class.</p><p>Now though, in this moment, it's everything but the latter.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And he would always falter underneath such pressure, like he would most of any pressure anyway, he felt.</p><p>He fished out the pack of Marlboro's from his pocket, Kyoko snatching them as soon as she could spot them.</p><p>She held them in front of his face almost like a parent would to their child a favored possession they could now no longer play with.</p><p> </p><p>"No more. I'm done with these in my house." </p><p> </p><p>'My'.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto noticed this, and he almost fears for what he could hear next.</p><p> </p><p>She continued, in his absence of words, "And if you aren't done with these either, then I'll be done with you."</p><p> </p><p>She said this in the heat of her passion, the heat of her anger and emotion that boiled over.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn't mean this, but she doubly forgot who she said this to. </p><p> </p><p>Tears and broken apologies came faster than she could imagine possible, and she reacted in kind.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs were shared, and she too, apologized.</p><p> </p><p>Suffice she cared to a fault.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>god this is my first real straight fic. what have i done.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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